By Charles Miller
Last week I went into logorrheic detail as to why you should hang up if you receive an unsolicited phone call from Microsoft, Google, Yahoo, Facebook, WhatsApp, etc. It should not have taken 500 words to get that point across. None of these tech companies ever cold-call consumers. So unless you specifically requested a call-back from tech support, the phone call you received is from a thief pretending to be from tech support. Just hang up! This week I am going to do a volte-face and admit why I do not follow my own advice, because to follow my advice is to miss out on all the fun. I like to see how much of the crook’s time I can waste before they hang up.
When I receive one of the fake tech support calls I immediately go into my best impression of an addled nonagenarian. I say, “Did you say you’re calling from the bank?” Incredibly, the crook, who just moments ago said he was calling from Google, now says yes, he is calling from my bank. So I say something intended to tantalize the crook into thinking he might have hooked a live one, something like, “My grandson handles the money, but he’s out on the yacht this week. Is there anything I can do?”
The whole purpose of the crook’s phone call often is to see if they can trick an unsuspecting victim into installing keystroke loggers or other spyware on their computer. Over the phone they instruct their victim to type in and execute certain commands to give over remote control to their computer, often using perfectly legitimate programs for the remote control, but the spyware programs they install allow the cybercrooks to steal login credentials, passwords, credit card numbers, and other valuable personal data.
The crook instructs me to click on a button that says Install but I pretend I cannot find it. Instead I tell them, “I see a button that says Shift and above that there’s one that says CapsLock.” Exasperated, the crook says to look at the screen. I say, “Oh, do I need to turn the computer on now?”
To create an atmosphere I ring a little bell I have, then say to an imaginary butler, “Jeeves, another sherry.” The crook, who still hopes for a big score, tells me to turn on the computer. “Okay, it’s on now. On the screen there’s little buttons that say Charles Schwab, Vanguard, Fidelity, Merrill-Lynch, and one that says Passwords.” I hope by now the thief is salivating, thinking he is close to striking it rich. The crook then goes through the process of trying to instruct me, step by step, to install his spyware again, me delaying by acting as confused as possible. In reality, my computer is still turned off. The crook continues to hang in there, thinking he could be only minutes away from a million-dollar score.
Eventually the crook is bound to simply give up. If I sense we are getting close to that point or if I need to end it up, I will say, “I’m sorry I’m so ignorant about this new technology stuff. Here comes my granddaughter. She stepped out right after you and I started talking. You want to talk to her? She knows all about computers. She works for the FBI.” Click!
Charles Miller is a freelance computer consultant, a frequent visitor to San Miguel since 1981, and now practically a full-time resident. He may be contacted at 415 101 8528 or email FAQ8@SMAguru.com.
