The Black Unicorn
Because it is a mythological being, it goes unnoticed. From his hidden place, he observes all of us who live in San Miguel de Allende and the rest of Mexico, and he tells me stories to write here.
By Fernando Helguera
The black unicorn was walking through a private garden with a pool, and he stopped to sunbathe, since there was no one around. He is contemplative and does not like to attract attention, like any being of great wisdom. At a certain point, people began to arrive with snacks, beers, umbrellas, floats, and all kinds of fun implements. If the people of San Miguel like to celebrate somewhere, it is at pool parties. It didn’t take long before there were girls in bikinis showing off sculpted bodies and boys who served the first arrivals with more than the famous taco de ojo, because they were also of singular beauty.
In particular, there was a couple from Mexico City who laughed a lot and seemed to be the center of attention. He downed one drink after another, albeit slowly and steadily, while she seemed not to care. He commented that it was a pity they weren’t wearing bathing suits because they did not know that it was a pool party. They all ate and drank freely, but the guy from Mexico City drank rather indiscreetly. She began to feel uncomfortable, and at around five o’clock she asked him to leave. The friends were having fun, and the women were tempting, so he wasn’t going to leave. She asked for his wallet, and he didn’t understand because everything was free there; however, she insisted until she got it. After a while the sun went down, and a chill began to be felt. She put on a sarong and again insisted that they leave, but he deliberately ignored her, which made her angry.
«Honey, lend me the car keys,» she said, a little impatiently.
«What do you want them for?» he asked.
«I need to go get my jacket because it’s cold.»
He gave her the keys, while they began to sing the mananita songs that King David used to sing in time immemorial. The woman being celebrated was a foreigner and did not see the joke when the cake ended up on her face to the cry of «moordidaaaaa!» Now there was no cake for anyone, because the guy from Mexico City had rubbed the plate all over her face. Laughing, he made his way to the other side of the party, where he turned on one of the guests, who turned him around. His companion had fire in her eyes, but she approached him gently and kindly.
«Let’s go home. Don’t take advantage of the fact that I don’t want to leave you here alone in the middle of the field,” she said.
«Noooo, we’ll stay another while, I already said,» he answered firmly.
«Lend me your cell phone,» she said.
«Go ahead. Take it, if you’ll leave me alone after that,» he exclaimed as he handed it to her.
The celebrant and her husband were very good hosts, incapable of making their guests feel bad, even though the guy from Mexico City had climbed up on the grill as if he were a mechanical bull.
«Alright, get down from there, and lend me your glasses,» said the girl.
«What do you want them for?» he asked.
“Because you’re going to end up breaking them, and without them, you can’t see beyond your nose. Well, with them you can’t either, but that’s another thing. And let’s go home,» she said.
«But we’re not leaving yet, because the best part of the party is yet to come,» he answered, stumbling, and took a bite of the cake from the table.
She gave the keys, cell phone, glasses, and wallet to the owner of the house to take care of them. Because she was familiar with martial arts, she then applied a flying kick to the guy from Mexico City, landing it in the middle of his chest, which sent him into the pool. Everyone was first shocked and then immediately broke into laughter. The guy came out of the pool, frozen and furious, and went after her. Although he was a bit less drunk, it was not enough to reach the athletic woman who hadn’t been drinking and who was determined to take him home. He was snorting tiredly when she turned around and said:
«Now you ask me for forgiveness, or I’ll leave you here with your clothes soaked, freezing, and I’ll go alone.»
He, surprised by her threat, looked at the ground and, between the laughter of his friends, in a low and submissive voice, he answered:
«It’s okay, my love, forgive me.»
«Louder, I can’t hear,» she said.
“Forgive me. I won’t do it again; take me home,” he said loudly.
Thus, the black unicorn learned how one deals with impertinent drunks and why you should never take on a karate girl, no matter how calm she looks.
