By Sal Guarino
I imagine my grandfather Gerardo Guarino felt a multitude of intense feelings as he made the days-long, frightening, hope-filled journey on a slow-moving steamship from Naples, Italy, to Ellis Island in 1923. Taking with him only a black trunk with a few personal items and the desperate dreams of a family thirsting for a better life, he established what are now century-old roots in Brooklyn, New York. While the bleak, impoverished conditions of Southern Italy certainly helped convince him to embark on such a bold, dangerous journey, so too did his courageous personality. His cavalier intuition signaled him that taking such an enormous gamble was the only way to go. Despite owning just a few chips, it was time to ante up into the U.S. melting pot.
My nonno’s all-in mentality that set our family on terra firma a hundred years ago in New York continued to manifest in his offspring. My father, after graduating college through eight years of night classes to become a certified public accountant (while also working full-time and helping raise a family), decided to forego that safer path for an entrepreneurial route in sales, a bold move that proved successful. Other descendants of Gerardo dove in to make ends meet and then some—learning trades, starting businesses, and growing families—continuing to dream big, risk first, and figure out the details later. My grandfather’s audacious and idealistic ethic that courageously sought the “big win” infused most of us and especially ignited the spirit of his youngest and most inherently winner-take-all grandchild even at the tenderest ages of my youth.
I was a good student as a kid and took comfort in the predictable routines of hard work and the accolades that followed. I also felt a restless yearning that something greater and more exciting was and should be around every corner. I remember risking all the emotional marbles at age 12 when I artfully and dangerously navigated my first crush (also 12) away from her 16-year-old boyfriend. One of my first big wins! And there were many more to follow as I consistently scratched the persistent itch of my gigantic dreams. Pausing college for an enlightening and exciting stint on Wall Street at age 20, shifting gears to begin a career as one of New York State’s youngest licensed addictions counselors shortly after, having two daughters in my 20s, managing a start-up internet company in my 30s, and eventually writing a book were some of my own acts of anteing up, paying homage to Gerado’s grand pursuit of happiness.
As I emerged from divorce at age 41, I began seeking a big win of another kind—a compatible life-long partner, the glorious type of connection in which I have always believed despite a failed marriage, when one plus one feels like infinity, where a sightless person seated nearby at a restaurant can sense the special energy at the table of a rare and destined couple. Over the next 11 years, I hesitate to admit the number of dates I went on in search of that ideal bond. Throughout my quest, I learned invaluable lessons about women, mid-life angst, the sad states of dozens of tattered souls and the mangled relationships they departed, assertiveness, joy, being true to myself, etc. The biggest psychological takeaway from hundreds of hopeful first dates and the periodic relationships that followed was learning to hold steadfast in finding who I truly wanted and needed, completely tuning out ALL noise in the process. Well-intentioned as the advice, suggestions, warnings, and urgings to “be practical” and “stop being so picky” were, those voices ultimately became added coal for the furnace of my burning heart.
By May of 2020, I had seen enough silly Louis Vuitton bags draped over 40-and-50-somethings longing to be recognized as members of the club of nothingness in Orange County, California. Like my resourceful grandfather way back when, I looked abroad to satisfy my dreams. My voyage began with a virtual route through an international dating site. I intuitively looked in Mexico, where I soon fixed my gaze upon a pair of welcoming, olive-colored eyes in Querétaro. I felt optimistic that my initial read of those eyes as stunningly beautiful windows to a genuine, wise, empathetic, and humble soul would be correct. Exhilarated to finally go on my last first date, I barely considered the geography.
Just a few video calls later, I made my first proposition—that “we close our online dating profiles and see how things go between just us.”
“I was teenkin’ da’ same theen’,” my like-minded new amiga sweetly confirmed. Given that we both had developed a seasoned sense of who we sought in a partner as well as a practical understanding of the likely pitfalls of limiting our early connection to a merely virtual one, we planned to meet soon. Thus began a series of wonderful exploratory trips between our homes, giving a swift and collaborative kick in the pants of the heightening pandemic in the process. We chose to share our hearts, minds, and cultures rather than isolate.
We engaged about a year after first clicking on and with each other and married a year later, last March, celebrating in her hometown of Guanajuato. As we circled friends and family, hand-in-hand, on an elated stroll met by a rousing round of congratulatory applause, I winked to the heavens and shared the moment with my grandfather—feeling the same wide-eyed joy and relief as he when first circling Ellis Island and seeing his big win finally begin to manifest. I knew this would be my biggest!
Sal Guarino
Born in Brooklyn, NY, now settled in Centro with his Mexican wife, Sal brings a rich set of life experiences to the table. “SALudos de San Miguel!” shares his joy for living through a lens of gratitude and positivity here in San Miguel. Sal’s first book “SALutations!” was published in 2018. Contact: salguarino@gmail.com.
