By Tanya Kawan
Things are easier in theory than in practice, so what I experienced so intensely a few weeks ago has served to refine my learning. As we all know, living with the family, we realize to what depth we have worked the wounds of childhood.
I have been practicing yoga and meditation for more than 20 years. During this time I was away from my family intermittently, due to situations that affected me on an emotional level. A few months ago my mother told me that she would like to take a trip for her 80th birthday with me and my brothers. Where we would live for three weeks, all under one roof? That led me to ask myself many things, what need to put myself in that situation? What happens if I don’t go and it is the last time we can travel together with my mother?
I like to lead a very calm life, my inner peace is very valuable, it has cost me a lot of healing work to avoid my emotional dramas and get away from the drama of others. They say that family is the only thing that cannot be changed, and to prove otherwise, I implement a healthy distance between me and them. Inertia led me to very intense questions to make the decision to go on this trip. I knew that now would be the moment of truth, my inner learning would flourish.
Life was testing me. I like to think and feel that, being in a space of peace and love, can affect the people around me in a positive way. But to do that with my family, requires a doctorate that I don’t have, so I still get hooked on unsolved situations.
I quickly began internal processes that were still pending to be closed within me, in order to be as light as possible. I must say that, having made the decision to travel, I faced many fears and processes that I had pending. As always when one has a good time, time flew by, and without realizing it I was already in the middle of a family dynamic I had not lived so intensely for many years.
There were two or three very charged situations, emotionally, that I managed to navigate successfully, not only without draining my energy, but also centered in my heart radiating love, a lot of love, for my family. As they say, this is not over until it is over; in other situations I saw reflected parts of myself that I don’t like, so I returned with homework to continue my inner evolution.
All experiences in life are an opportunity to go deep into our being and realize what we need to work on to change attitudes and habits which do not help us live in harmony. It is a fortune to have these great teachers that I thank for putting up with me in my long apprenticeship.
